oh me of little faith

I'm tired. In all senses. Lately, my words seem to drool out, rather than their normal gushing flow that bubble across my tongue and spray out on those around me like a shook-up soda pop. Hmmmm. I think this might be okay. This desire to just ... be quiet. It's peculiar; it's provoking. In silence, I have to be alone with my thoughts; especially big stuff like my faith. Maybe that's why I avoid it so.

My 2 favorite Nickel Creek songs loop in my head.
They breathe my thoughts.

Reasons Why, Nickel Creek:

Where am i today? i wish that i knew
'Cause looking around there's no sign of you
i don't remember one jump or one leap
Just quiet steps away from your lead

i'm holding my heart out but clutching it too
Feeling this short of a love that we once knew
i'm calling this home when it's not even close
Playing the role with nerves left exposed

Standing on a darkened stage, stumbling through the lines
Others have excuses, but i have my reasons why

We get distracted by dreams of our own
But nobody's happy while feeling alone
And knowing how hard it hurts when we fall
We lean another ladder against the wrong wall
And climb high to the highest rung, to shake fists at the sky

While others have excuses, i have my reasons why
With so much deception it's hard not to wander away
It's hard not to wander away
It's hard not to wander away



Doubting Thomas, Why Should the Fire Die?

What will be left when i've drawn my last breath
Besides the folks i've met and the folks who've known me
Will i discover a soul-saving love
Or just the dirt above and below me

i'm a doubting Thomas
i took a promise
But i do not feel safe
Oh me of little faith

Sometimes i pray for a slap in the face
Then i beg to be spared cause i'm a coward
If there's a master of deathi bet he's holding his breath
As i show the blind and tell the deaf about his power

i'm a doubting Thomas
i can't keep my promises
Cause i don't know what's safe
Oh me of little faith

Can i be used to help others find truth
When i'm scared i'll find proof that it's a lie
Can i be led down a trail dropping bread crumbs
That prove i'm not ready to die

Please give me time to decipher the signs
Please forgive me for time that i've wasted

i'm a doubting Thomas
i'll take Your promise
Though i know nothin's safe
Oh me of little faith.